Saturday, 14 April 2018

A D U L T I N G

Been thinking about reviving my blog for the longest time...

Never been faithful with blogging really. Last post was 2015 and most of the post's pictures are gone. Time is huge factor where I can't keep up with this, and with IG and FB it's too easy to just leave snippets of the thoughts here and there whenever something pops up...

Since now that I am in Sydney for 6 months - I really want to get some time to journey down my life here and also use the time that I have to really start doing things I won't normally do in SG. Prolly also use as an avenue to friends in SG to know what I up to and my wellbeing here.

Long before this post, I already have a couple of themes I want to talk about... so taking a step back here to revisit some thoughts of 2016 about graduating, working...basically ADULTING.

Seriously who ever knows how to define that?

After graduating from University, I was one of the luck few that already had my job secure before grad. And many would think that I've got it all together, perfect future, good career etc... However, I have to say the struggle of transiting from school to work is very real, regardless which company you work for, of course some have it harder... A feel myths or mindset that I held onto that were really toxic and I had to slowly work through them as I adult.

1. I am not good enough


True story. No matter how successful or good - I always feel I am not good enough. when I first stepped into office, as much as I try to sound really excited about the job, you know confident, deep down I was so fearful. whenever I talked to colleagues who have been working for >3 years, the depth of knowledge they have, the way they carry themselves, really just make me super intimidated. I don't dare to speak up for fear of saying the wrong thing or something stupid.

Lunch was the worse time for me, a group of colleagues gathering around chatting and I really can't seem to fit into the conversation. Oh, there was one I could! "Which school are you from?" That I had no issue answering. however, what follows is a round robin of everyone sharing their education background... "I'm from XJC... I'm from XJC..." and there was me... wanting to hide in hole... 'Ermm... Ngee Ann Poly?" I was one of the rare breed... Knowing where people came from really didn't help, in fact worse was I then start telling myself, how can I even match up with these people, they are smart... I’m just a poly kid...

not long after, I started to rethink my decision about working in the company. maybe this is not for me, I’m not good enough...

2. Everyone has got their shit together.





Adulting is hard, no one ever tells you what you need to do when you go through this phase - everyone some just knows how to adult. whenever I look at IG/FB, I see everyone having their life together, they seem to know what they are gunning for in life, going somewhere, doing great things, etc...

and there was me... trying to hide before every carefully curated post, every polite, chirpy response to "how are you doing?"... deep inside me was confused, unsure, lost, miserable... I wish someone could tell me how do I get from 1 to 10 quickly and how to get through this 'adulting'...

3. You only have 1 shot at this.


I've been brought up in a way that don't glorify mistakes... well who does? So before I sign the job contract, every day I keep asking myself is this job right for me? should I change? after working, I also kept asking myself just months into the job the same question...

I remembered I went to a class the professor once mentioned, Singaporean students are always afraid to change paths, afraid to say, this is not for me, let's restart and do something else. We always find it hard to let go and waste our previous efforts but don't see that if we don't we are wasting more... so I was super afraid to fall into that category, I gave myself a very early deadline change job/direction because I don't want to 'waste' time on the wrong things...

Truth is, a lifetime is a long time... you will have many shots in life, nothing you ever decide today is final - unless it's marriage of course... you can always change and you will never have enough information to make the perfect decision. but we learn. of course reversing time, I would have done things different, be less concern about others etc...

Anyways, those are really the 3 big negative mindset that I have that over the course of the last 1.5 years I slowly learn to unlearn them and debunk them...



in life there are bound to be people who are better, same and worse than me, but that doesn't make them superior or less capable than me... we are just people on different paths - cliche, but really can't define it any better.

and no one really has their shit together. I’m 25 and I safely say that I have no idea how to do my tax properly, I don't have $100k in my bank account, I only recently got my insurance settled, no house to my name, no relationship goals, no car, don't know how braid my hair, don't know how to trim my brows, still talk about celebrity gossips, don't read much news or books... yea... I think I’m still 16 mentally, and sometimes I still talk like a kid. but guess what? by law I’m an adult. whoever know what that means?

It really don't matter if you haven't got it figured out, sometimes you pee your pants or like wear your shirt the wrong way, say something stupid at work... it's part of the process! try and keep trying... if it doesn't work, really it doesn't take your life, just pick yourself from that embarrassing, learn, move on, try again. it can only get better.

Careful with the IG scrolls, sometimes it eats you up. it does to me now and then but I’ve learnt to bite back. IG really is just a place where people put perfect moments... but not the hangover after the party, not the crying from the breakup and the dark moments...

those tips really worked for me - how I survived through. and I really hope that people will start being more genuine about these kind of topics and just start popping questions to the young gen - how are you adulting? shouldn't be a topic not talked about and I really feel people shouldn't have to go through this by trial and error, someone can guide them through, share real moments with them, and be totally open about growing up - the good, the bad, the ugly.

good luck my friends! keep growing and adulting! :)

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