Saturday, 14 April 2018

A D U L T I N G

Been thinking about reviving my blog for the longest time...

Never been faithful with blogging really. Last post was 2015 and most of the post's pictures are gone. Time is huge factor where I can't keep up with this, and with IG and FB it's too easy to just leave snippets of the thoughts here and there whenever something pops up...

Since now that I am in Sydney for 6 months - I really want to get some time to journey down my life here and also use the time that I have to really start doing things I won't normally do in SG. Prolly also use as an avenue to friends in SG to know what I up to and my wellbeing here.

Long before this post, I already have a couple of themes I want to talk about... so taking a step back here to revisit some thoughts of 2016 about graduating, working...basically ADULTING.

Seriously who ever knows how to define that?

After graduating from University, I was one of the luck few that already had my job secure before grad. And many would think that I've got it all together, perfect future, good career etc... However, I have to say the struggle of transiting from school to work is very real, regardless which company you work for, of course some have it harder... A feel myths or mindset that I held onto that were really toxic and I had to slowly work through them as I adult.

1. I am not good enough


True story. No matter how successful or good - I always feel I am not good enough. when I first stepped into office, as much as I try to sound really excited about the job, you know confident, deep down I was so fearful. whenever I talked to colleagues who have been working for >3 years, the depth of knowledge they have, the way they carry themselves, really just make me super intimidated. I don't dare to speak up for fear of saying the wrong thing or something stupid.

Lunch was the worse time for me, a group of colleagues gathering around chatting and I really can't seem to fit into the conversation. Oh, there was one I could! "Which school are you from?" That I had no issue answering. however, what follows is a round robin of everyone sharing their education background... "I'm from XJC... I'm from XJC..." and there was me... wanting to hide in hole... 'Ermm... Ngee Ann Poly?" I was one of the rare breed... Knowing where people came from really didn't help, in fact worse was I then start telling myself, how can I even match up with these people, they are smart... I’m just a poly kid...

not long after, I started to rethink my decision about working in the company. maybe this is not for me, I’m not good enough...

2. Everyone has got their shit together.





Adulting is hard, no one ever tells you what you need to do when you go through this phase - everyone some just knows how to adult. whenever I look at IG/FB, I see everyone having their life together, they seem to know what they are gunning for in life, going somewhere, doing great things, etc...

and there was me... trying to hide before every carefully curated post, every polite, chirpy response to "how are you doing?"... deep inside me was confused, unsure, lost, miserable... I wish someone could tell me how do I get from 1 to 10 quickly and how to get through this 'adulting'...

3. You only have 1 shot at this.


I've been brought up in a way that don't glorify mistakes... well who does? So before I sign the job contract, every day I keep asking myself is this job right for me? should I change? after working, I also kept asking myself just months into the job the same question...

I remembered I went to a class the professor once mentioned, Singaporean students are always afraid to change paths, afraid to say, this is not for me, let's restart and do something else. We always find it hard to let go and waste our previous efforts but don't see that if we don't we are wasting more... so I was super afraid to fall into that category, I gave myself a very early deadline change job/direction because I don't want to 'waste' time on the wrong things...

Truth is, a lifetime is a long time... you will have many shots in life, nothing you ever decide today is final - unless it's marriage of course... you can always change and you will never have enough information to make the perfect decision. but we learn. of course reversing time, I would have done things different, be less concern about others etc...

Anyways, those are really the 3 big negative mindset that I have that over the course of the last 1.5 years I slowly learn to unlearn them and debunk them...



in life there are bound to be people who are better, same and worse than me, but that doesn't make them superior or less capable than me... we are just people on different paths - cliche, but really can't define it any better.

and no one really has their shit together. I’m 25 and I safely say that I have no idea how to do my tax properly, I don't have $100k in my bank account, I only recently got my insurance settled, no house to my name, no relationship goals, no car, don't know how braid my hair, don't know how to trim my brows, still talk about celebrity gossips, don't read much news or books... yea... I think I’m still 16 mentally, and sometimes I still talk like a kid. but guess what? by law I’m an adult. whoever know what that means?

It really don't matter if you haven't got it figured out, sometimes you pee your pants or like wear your shirt the wrong way, say something stupid at work... it's part of the process! try and keep trying... if it doesn't work, really it doesn't take your life, just pick yourself from that embarrassing, learn, move on, try again. it can only get better.

Careful with the IG scrolls, sometimes it eats you up. it does to me now and then but I’ve learnt to bite back. IG really is just a place where people put perfect moments... but not the hangover after the party, not the crying from the breakup and the dark moments...

those tips really worked for me - how I survived through. and I really hope that people will start being more genuine about these kind of topics and just start popping questions to the young gen - how are you adulting? shouldn't be a topic not talked about and I really feel people shouldn't have to go through this by trial and error, someone can guide them through, share real moments with them, and be totally open about growing up - the good, the bad, the ugly.

good luck my friends! keep growing and adulting! :)

Monday, 9 March 2015

From Dayre: Saturday like no other

One of the best Saturday ever! So thankful to be able to serve in different areas in JAMS.

The morning was hectic. JW called to say they cannot open the keynote and I realised I forgot to save the file in a lower version. And that means they can't open it for their service on that side!! I totally was flustered. It was like 10mins before svc starts and I was prepping games and I didn't have my comp with me... I was mortified.
Then while settling that issue, I realised the slides didn't include next week's theme announcement. Bomb no. 2. Thankfully Reb was helping me to do the conversion with her phone while i quickly search some photo to create that slide.
In the end this was what I did. Honestly I was so reluctant to use this but really had no time to design something nicer. So had to make do with this. I can't bare to watch that particular slide when it was flashed.
So bomb no. 2 diffused. Back to bomb no.1. Reb converted but the file was too big to be emailed. In the end Joli, all the way from Indo, created a grp chat to troubleshoot. What can we do without you teacher Joli?? Cut long story short, thankfully in the end by ways of divine intervention the bomb no.1 was diffuse.

Before I even had the time to catch my breathe, it was time for games!
This week for games we had a mini Fashion Runway! It was great seeing our students dressing up for the occasion, all looking handsome and pretty. Don't they look fabulous?
Thankful that I got a chance to BV today. Always cherish the times where I get to serve using my vocals at least it makes 10 yrs of choir trainings worth it. Singing has always been something I enjoy but when it comes to P&W I always remind myself that above all skills and technicality, it is the heart - heart of a true worshipper. I feel that's one area God's working on this year.
Another thing I'm thankful for is the chance to co-partner Santhi to conduct the grooming lessons for the students today. Was feeling jittery about the sharing because it was the meat of the service so it cannot go wrong! Super thankful to Santhi for always giving me so many opportunities to serve in different areas. Really had fun and enjoyed myself today.
Had so much 'first' today because we had very little people serving today. Perhaps another reason why I love serving in JAMS is because everyone of us do what we can to make it happen even if we only have 15 people the service must go on. So everyone just had to multitask and rise up to the occasion. Times like this definitely is a stretch for everyone yet there's no complains, in fact all the more joy in our hearts.

So that sums up awesome Saturday! Thank you Jesus ♡ !

Saturday, 21 February 2015

From Dayre: Goat Goat Year!

Happy Chinese New Year! Prolly the busiest period of the year. This cny is a bit 夸张 for me bcos before cny I alr had 4 lohei sessions!
1st with JAMs, 2nd one is with my cg.
3rd one with JAMS teachers.
4th one wirh my classmates.
Yupp it is that crazy. I've never had so many lohei before! Now I'm onto my 6th lohei already. Haha!!
Literally didn't stop eating ever since I got back to Msia. My gramps are great chefs so we are always spoilt. And the new yr goodies that I eat while visiting, I try not to think about it... @.@
Feel so liberated to be able to catch 2 movies back to back and likely another one tonight! It is so cheap to watch movie here and a great way kill time.

Sadly this year there isn't much good 贺岁片. So far I watched The Inspector Calls and it is just this 1 family of people in a big house talking about their relation to a girl's death. The only highlight in the show was surprisingly Donnie Yen. The show was so bad when it ended the whole cinema was like '做完了?!'
Last night we watched 冲上云霄!! I've been waiting for this movie for the longest time! I super like the drama serial and the cast. Alright alright, I'm a fan girl of Chi Lam and Louis Khoo. Don't you think they very 'Yeng'?

The movie... tbh was 'meh' not something to be watched in the cinema, more like a 2 hr drama. But I love how they cut the scenes and all the beautiful places they shot in. And of cos all the handsome and pretty casts. ♡.♡

Tonight we are planning to watch another movie before we head back to sg on sunday. I can't wait to be back home where I can have fast wifi and my comfy bed!!

Anyway, wishing everyone a Goat Goat Year!! =)

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Travelogue: Port Dickson, Malaysia


On the first day of the year, my family and I got up really early all excited for our first family trip of 2015!

We were off to Port Dickson!

Port Dickson, or PD to locals, is a beach and holiday destination situated about 32 km from Seremban and 90 km from Kuala Lumpur. It is located in the state of Negeri Sembilan in Peninsular Malaysia.
Mummy's friend recommended Grand Lexis Port Dickson to her as there is a private pool inside!

Image from their website
It was a long journey to Port Dickson. We woke up at 6.30am as we were worried that there will be a jam at the causeway due to the long weekends. To our surprise, the coast is clear. No jam whatsoever. So we reached Larkin Bus Terminal at 8.30am and boarded 9am KKKL bus to Seremban.

The ride was around 3.5 hours from Larkin to Seremban. Thankfully I was able to catch some sleep as the previous night I went for countdown and only slept for 3 hours. I was pretty amazed that I slept throughout the ride. We reached Seremban at around 12.30pm. 

Seremban is a familiar place to me as I went there for mission trip in 2013 and thereafter visited the friends I've made there a few times. So I bought my family to a nearby mall for lunch before we waited for a Cityliner bus to Port Dickson. The Cityliner bus came hourly and cost 4RM to Port Dickson. The ride was about 1 hour.

From Port Dickson Bus Terminal, we still had to take a taxi to our resort. Yes, I know... Long journey...

We were alright with it as check-in time is 4pm. So we just took our time and stop over whenever we can for snacks and what not.

Finally after a whole day's journey, we arrived at our resort!



Apparently the resort is quite famous and the lobby was packed when we were checking in.




The interior design of the resort was very grand with a lot of service staff all ready to assist the guests. They even have a buggy to send you to your room.



So this is our room. Deluxe Suite (Garden Living) that sleeps 4.







Once checked-in we immediately headed for a swim in the pool before heading out to settle our dinner. The only downside about staying at Grand Lexis is that there isn't any shops nearby. The nearest is 15 mins walk away. So if you don't drive then it might be an issue.

We didn't drive so we had to walk out to the shop houses 15mins away. Even so, there isn't much to eat. It is all malay cuisine and mamak stall.


But thankfully, there is a KTV above the shop houses. That sort of made up for the ulu location. So we spent 2 hours singing our lungs out after dinner.



We returned to our resort and had beer by the pool. How cool is that?! HAHA! That marks the end of our first night at Port Dickson.

On the second day we just snuggled in bed for the longest time and watched Ender's Game on AXN. It was not till about 11pm when we decided to go around to the resort to see what activities they had to offer.


One of the rare chances I got to wore a cap.

There are quite a few recreational activities at the resort.

Archery


KMX
Those are the few we did. There's also cycling, swimming, yoyo car, arcade, ktv, etc. It was pretty boring for us grown kids and our aged parents. If you are bring your young children I reckon you will enjoy it more.

What's visiting Port Dickson without going to the beach right? According to my friend, there's a few beaches in Port Dickson and there's one near our resort.




It was a really small beach and empty beach and when we were there we saw many baby crabs... And that was all the resort had to offer.. We still had half a day to spare.

The good thing about the resort is that you can book a free shuttle service to Waterfront @ PD.


The place is still under development however there are quite a few eateries and shops already opened. And best of all there is STARBUCKS!

So we made a booking with the resort to send us there.




Sadly I cannot do OOTD properly...


Anyway, during the evening we saw an interesting sight. There was a stall renting bubble makers. Simply by using sticks and ropes. I've never created such a big bubble before! It was so magical...

That night we went back and soaked in the pool again just so to make our money worth and had beer. #LivinTheLife

On the last day, friends from Seremban drove down and we had 'breakfast' together. It was an interesting experience to start the year off. These bunch of people never fail to amaze me with the things they do. HAHA!

Somehow we have been meeting at the start of the year. Last year 1 Jan 2013 we met in JB and this year in Port Dickson. I wonder where it would next year?


So that marked the end of my New Year Getaway! Now it is back to school, back to reality, back to craziness! Till next time, stay sane!

Tuesday, 30 December 2014

2014 in Review



2014 has been nothing short of awesome! Whenever I look back at 2014, I just feel really blessed.

STUDIES


I remembered I didn't end my 2013 that well, mainly due to my really bad results. It was the first semester and I really struggled badly coping with school work and adapting to the Uni system. I've never really shared this with anyone but the truth is I didn't had any friends when I started Uni as I wasn't involved in any freshmen camps. When I attended classes, I realised everyone already have their own cliques or OG from those camps. So I just went from class to class trying my best to blend into the wallpaper. Truth is, I was perfectly fine with it. Often I would have 3 hours break and I would just head to Artease and do my own things. Though I have to admit there were days I struggled really badly, especially those when exams or quizzes are near, as I don't have anyone to discuss or study with. That was one of the reasons why I didn't do well in the first semester. Many times I felt I made the wrong decision going to Uni. I've never felt so out of place before. No matter what I do, I am still failing Stats and Business Operations quizzes. I was so discourage to the extend that I didn't even wanna aim for a high GPA anymore. I told myself I shall just graduate with a degree no matter the grades... In my mind, I just wanna get Uni over and done with.

True enough when results came out in end of 2013, I didn't do well. I slowly begin to realise it was an ego issue I am facing. I mean from a high achiever in Poly to a nobody in Uni can be rather depressing... So during December 2013, I started to do a lot of soul searching and allow myself time to recover which I eventually did.

At that point of time, I would never have imagined that 2014 is going to be a milestone year for me. Never had I imagined I would travel to 3 major countries in a year, became the Vice President of Enactus NTU, pulled my GPA up from a 2nd Lower to a 2nd Upper and make great friends!






CCA

Of course with all these milestones come challenges and difficulties. All of a sudden I find myself playing a different ball game altogether, having to cope with ministry, cca, studies and family. There are days where busy was an understatement. Days where my values were challenged, where I struggled to choose between priorities. I don't know why but somehow everything seems to fall on Saturdays so I had to choose between ministry and cca.

When I first took over as the vice president of Enactus NTU, I felt so depressed. Truth is I had only been in the cca for 1 semester and I certainly did not know how the cca operate. Amongst my other excos, I always felt like the weakest link. It was a steep learning curve. I remembered messaging Janice telling her how out of place I felt and how stressful I was trying to connect with the exco and project leaders. Janice was really sweet, she constantly took time to encourage me and I am thankful to have a sister in Christ to guide me through my difficult times.


MINISTRY
In 2014, I also officially made the switch from Usher ministry to JAMs. I cannot be more thankful for the opportunities given to me in JAMs. I've said this many times but I am still truly grateful. Never would I have imagined myself leading games or hosting events. In my poly days I ever dreamt of being able to host events or be an emcee. I did get a few chances but I didn't really do well so I brushed that silly thought aside and never visited it anymore. Until I stepped into JAMs and was tasked to lead games. Somehow, when I stepped on that platform, words just flow and I suddenly become a different person. Someone even I myself don't know of. Seriously. From then on I was given many other opportunities to develop this side of me in JAMs and I am really thankful that through the ministry I discover my gifts and talent. Also, I am reminded of the dream of my youth. God didn't forget my silly prayers and secret desires.


Gosh, you really need to meet these bunch of people. they aren't human! Every single one of them have such great capacity of love and grace just oozing out of them! AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING friends I am thankful I got to meet in 2014. Their dedication and commitment to the ministry really leaves me in awe every time I serve. KUDOS Jammers! <3


Now standing at the threshold of the 2014, I just want to extend a sincere thank you to every single person who has touched my life in 2014. Friends & family who have sown into my life, who have showed me grace and love. THANK YOU!! You are the reason I am who I am today. Most importantly, I want to thank my Heavenly Father for always having my back! ALL GLORY TO GOD! 


2015, I AM READY!